Sibling Loss: A Personal Reflection
October: A Month of Memories and Loss
October has always been a complicated month for me. It’s my mother’s birthday (she passed away in 2002), and it’s also the month I last spoke to my sister—just days before she passed. Her last words came the first week of October, and the memories of that conversation are still vivid.
Losing a sibling doesn’t come with the same societal acknowledgment as losing a parent, yet the grief can run just as deep—sometimes deeper. Siblings are our first friends, our built-in companions, and the people who know us most intimately. Losing that bond leaves a space that is difficult to fill.
My Sister’s Struggle with Addiction
My sister battled alcoholism for nearly a decade. Her addiction complicated our relationship in ways that were painful and confusing. Conversations were often filled with tears, denial, or slurred words. Despite her struggles, I tried to support her while also maintaining boundaries that protected my own mental health.
Her addiction wasn’t just a private challenge—it was persistent and public. She had been through rehabs, detoxes, and even legal consequences. As her sibling, I navigated the delicate balance of love, accountability, and self-preservation, all while trying to maintain my own life, my family, and my career as a therapist.
The Day Everything Changed
In October 2017, I received the devastating call that my sister had overdosed—alcohol combined with her prescription medication. At first, I couldn’t grasp the seriousness of it. I thought it would be like previous hospitalizations, temporary and recoverable. But it wasn’t.
Seeing her in the ICU, hooked up to machines, was surreal and heartbreaking. Decisions had to be made quickly, and grief began before we even left the hospital. The loss was immediate, yet the full weight of it took months—and still takes moments even years later.
Writing the Eulogy
I wrote and read my sister’s eulogy. My father nervously joked about people crying during it, and I reassured him I could handle it. Reading it to my nephews and family, my voice shook at moments. It was one of the hardest things I’ve done, yet it felt important to show up fully, even while grieving.
The Unique Bond of Siblings
Siblings often know us before anyone else does. They see every phase of our lives and accept us through it all. They hold memories that no one else does and witness family dynamics that others cannot fully understand.
Even when relationships are complicated, the bond is enduring. My sister was my first friend, a confidant, and a part of my life that shaped me profoundly. Losing that presence leaves a void that can’t easily be filled.
Living With Loss
Since my sister passed, I’ve had to learn how to live in a world without her. Memories surface unexpectedly, sometimes making me laugh, sometimes breaking my heart. I mourn not only the loss of her presence, but the future we could have shared.
October is still difficult. Birthdays, anniversaries, and family milestones bring memories to the surface. The grief is layered, sometimes complicated by her struggles with addiction, but it is my grief to acknowledge and honor.
Reflection and Takeaways
Sibling loss is deep, complex, and often overlooked.
Addiction can complicate grief, intertwining love, boundaries, and loss.
It’s okay to grieve differently than others expect—you don’t need to apologize for sadness.
Memories and bonds remain, even if the person is gone.
Questions for Reflection:
What is your oldest relationship or friendship?
How have your siblings shaped who you are today?
Are you giving yourself space to grieve those relationships?
Closing:
Losing a sibling is a profound experience. It’s a grief that lingers, surfaces unexpectedly, and shapes your life in ways both painful and beautiful. By acknowledging it, honoring it, and talking about it, we keep their memory alive—and allow ourselves to heal, slowly and gently.
With care,
Erin Gray, LMHC – Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Email: erin@bewellwithincounseling.com | Phone: 407-302-8622
Learn more about my practice: www.bewellwithincounseling.com
Co-host of the weekly podcast: Wicked Psychotherapists